I met the friendliest cop last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
