Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize