This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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