Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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