Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
