I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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