i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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