Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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