Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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