I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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