at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
