Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
