I think i peed on brittanys purse
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
