Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
