just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
