dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
