I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
