u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
