I didn't shave. On purpose
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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