i permit you to call me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
