She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
