I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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