It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize