i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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