Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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