my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
