Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
