I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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