Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
pray to the hookup gods
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
God, I missed his penis.
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