Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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