Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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