I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
