after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
