I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize