Sponge bath it is.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
