so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
