Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
