Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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