he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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