My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
