i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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