you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
