I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am available for nakedness
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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