my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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