My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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