I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
