im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
