i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
