We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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