"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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