Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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