How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
