Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
