They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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