I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
