found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
