Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
