if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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