You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
