Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
