Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
