I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do herpes really smell.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
