Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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